Sometimes I feel like I’m an NPC in my own life.
Not in a self-deprecating, I’m-not-good-enough kind of way. I don’t think I’m worthless, and I don’t particularly resent people who seem to have more exciting lives than mine. It’s just a strange observation I’ve carried for as long as I can remember.
Some people have main-character energy. You look at them, hear their stories, and somehow there’s just something about them. A certain je ne sais quoi. An X factor. Even their childhood seems like the opening chapter of a fascinating biography, where every little detail somehow foreshadows the extraordinary person they’re about to become.
And then there’s me.
If someone were to write my biography or make a Netflix documentary about me, I genuinely wouldn’t know where to begin. And that’s saying something, considering Netflix seems to be making documentaries about practically everything these days. Nothing about my existence has ever particularly screamed this girl is going places. No special signs, no extraordinary beginnings, no particularly compelling storyline. Just a regular person spawning into the world with the default settings.
I sometimes wonder whether I’ve always been this way, or whether social media has made the contrast more obvious. Everywhere I look, people seem to be living these beautifully curated, wonderfully eventful lives. People falling in love, building businesses, travelling the world, achieving things, reinventing themselves. Everyone seems to have a plot.
Meanwhile, I’m just here, completing my daily quests.
My life is remarkably straightforward. I put in a certain amount of effort and get a reasonably proportional result. No miracles, no unbelievable coincidences, no unexpected lottery tickets from the universe. Just cause and effect. Very fair and square. Very predictable. Very cookie-cutter.
And come on, let’s look at the evidence. I majored in Business Administration. I don’t play any sports or musical instruments. I can’t sing or dance. I don’t follow obscure indie bands or have some incredibly niche hobby that makes people go, “Oh, that’s interesting.” I mostly watch mainstream movies and listen to mainstream music. My cultural references are probably the same as everyone else’s. I am, quite frankly, the human equivalent of a default character preset.
Basic bitch energy. Through and through.
Umm… I’m ok with it. *shrugs*
I appreciate routines, stability, familiarity, and the quiet comfort of an ordinary life. I don’t need constant excitement or some dramatic plot twist to make every Tuesday worthwhile. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being ordinary, and I don’t consider myself unfortunate for having a relatively uneventful existence.
But can I be honest for a moment?
Sometimes I look at some random person and think, Wow, main-character energy.
And I wonder what it must feel like to have that kind of presence. To feel as though your life is going somewhere, as though there’s something particularly interesting about your existence, as though the universe has given you a storyline worth following.
I don’t necessarily want their achievements or circumstances. I just want to experience that feeling of being the main character in my own story. Not necessarily someone famous, successful, or extraordinary. Just someone whose life feels like it has a little bit of magic to it.
Because somehow, even in my own biography, I feel like I’m listed under supporting cast.
I don’t know. Maybe some people are simply born with main-character energy, while others are born to populate the background. Perhaps I’m one of those background characters who appears in a few scenes, has a perfectly functional dialogue tree, and contributes absolutely nothing to the central storyline.
No special abilities. No hidden destiny. No legendary character development.
Just vibes and daily maintenance.
And I suppose that’s my story.
Or, more accurately, the lack thereof.
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